You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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