Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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