every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
