a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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