the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
