the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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