I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
