hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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