How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
