we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
