The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
