Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
