The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
