Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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