I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
