it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
