Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
