Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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