if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
