forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i think i just lost a toe
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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