So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
