if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think my vagina is haunted
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
