don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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