i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
