Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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