My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
