jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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