I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
