I'm lost and stupid without you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
