I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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