He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
