I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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