I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
