So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
