Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
