Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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