apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
