They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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