I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
