cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I smell stomach acid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
