You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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