By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
