I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
