and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
