When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
