planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
