She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
