I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
