The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
