I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
