So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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